


Lost

by Aweebwrites



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Depression, Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-02 08:05:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19194961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aweebwrites/pseuds/Aweebwrites
Summary: Kai was only trying to help, trying to be worth something...





	Lost

Kai prided himself for being the best big brother to Nya he could possibly be. When their parents disappeared, they had to grow up sooner than they ought to but he did everything he could to make sure Nya didn’t have to grow up as quick. While the village did pitch in to make sure they were ok growing up, Kai enforced bedtime, learned how to do Nya’s hair, learned how to sew, how to cook (basic things but at least it was edible) and of course, how to blacksmith well enough to make a living. Things weren’t easy but they managed. That is, until skeletons- er, Skulkin attacked and snatched her away from him. He knew deep inside that he couldn’t have seen it coming but knowing that didn’t stop him to feel like an utter failure.

He was supposed to protect her, not stand by helplessly as those boneheads took her away. She was all he had and he just… Stood there. Like a failure while they took his sister to who knows where to do who knows what. He didn’t know what to do with himself. Even if he decided to chase after them, they had vehicles and he didn’t. They were long gone and… So was his sister. It was why when the old man offered him a chance to get her back, he jumped at the chance and clung tight. It gave him hope. It gave him something to do than wallow around in his failure. He worked the course constantly, only taking a break when his vision began to go spotty since his overworked lungs couldn’t keep up, only sleeping when he couldn’t stop his body from collapsing. The old man was worried he was pushing himself too far but he wasn’t pushing himself nearly enough. He needed to learn this twistitzu thing as fast as possible. He needed to get his sister back.

He wouldn’t stop, even if it killed him, even after he was dead. It never came to that. He finally passed the old man’s stupid tea test- only to hear there was another test. He gritted his teeth. He needed to save Nya now, not later! He didn’t have much of a choice however. That night, he set his toothbrush aside and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked like crap and he knew it. He had a purple bruise on his cheek from practicing, not to mention the dark circles under his eyes from his heavily reduced sleep schedule. He scrubbed his hands over his face, feeling each joint and muscle twitch in pain. He didn’t mind. The pain keeps him focused. Reminds him that he has things to do that didn’t include standing around uselessly. Again. Most of all, the pain he felt all over, the ache in his bones… The relentless training… It all serves as punishment. Punishment for failing to save Nya, for being so helpless and useless.

He gripped the edges of the sink, glaring down into the bowl with gritted teeth. That’s just the reality of things, isn’t it? He was nothing but a cocky hothead. He can’t learn anything new without throwing a tantrum, without Nya telling him to cool down. It surprises him even now that he passed the old man’s test. If it wasn’t for Nya, he would have never gotten as far as he has. The least he could do was get her back. He couldn’t fail. It wasn’t an option right now. Or ever. Not when failing could mean… A shudder racked his body as his knuckles turned white with how tightly he gripped the sink. What if she was already…  _Dead?_  He took a shaky breath, an intense feeling of panic crawling under his skin, digging into him like nails. What if this was all for nothing? What if they made her into one of them? What if she didn’t even want to see him again?! His breathing was three times as fast, his entire body shaking as his eyes watered. If any of that was true, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself! He couldn’t live with himself! His breathing only got heavier, his legs shaking so much, they were threatening to give out.  _What if he failed?_

He gripped his own arm, digging his nails into his own flesh, the flare of pain making him gasp. He focused on it, on the sharp then stinging pain from his arm, using it to calm himself down. He doesn’t have time to freak out. He doesn’t know that for sure. He shouldn’t be wasting time feeling sorry for himself. He should be focusing on doing everything he can not to fail since he obviously couldn’t do anything right now. He should be training. He ignored the way his body trembled at his decision and washed his arm off, watching as the red tinged water washed down the sink. He then pulled his sleeve down before looking at his reflection determinedly. He’ll do whatever it takes to set his sister free. He blinked in alarm, noticing three figures in black creeping up behind him. Even if it meant dealing with these people.

_______________________

Turns out ‘these people’ were his teammates and now they have to go find some golden weapons. It irritated him to no end that they kept putting off getting to his sister. The only reason he stayed with the group was because this was the only lead he had. But that doesn’t mean he wanted to wait around for anyone. So what if he didn’t wait for the others in the Cave of Despair. It got the job done faster, right? If it wasn’t for Jay’s loud mouth, they would have gotten out unseen too. So what if he used the scythe of quakes even though the old man said not to? It was for their own safety. He was helping. He was being useful.

“I told you not to use the Scythe!” Wu snapped at them.

“He did it.” Jay says immediately, pointing to Kai as if they weren’t celebrating together a second ago.

“What?” Kai asked, getting emotional whiplash.

“I warned him Sensei.” Cole says as well, all of them turning on him as if they weren’t just thankful for him using it to save their lives from that dragon.

“We were all against it.” Zane says studiously as Kai looked at them betrayed.

“Using it was my only option.” Kai says as he stepped forward, defending his actions.

“And what makes you think you’re more important to the rest of the team, huh? Huh?!” Wu says angrily and it hit Kai deep.

That’s not true! He didn’t think he was more important! It was their only way out! How can he rescue his sister if he was dead?!

“They took my sister, remember?!” Kai growled angrily.

The old man may have forgotten but he hadn’t.

“There are still tree weapons left. Maybe next time, you can do it right.” Wu says, looking at him in utter disappointment before turning away, the others following behind and glancing back at him.

Kai stood there, his anger melting away as he looked down, his hand pushing the sleeve of his gi to scratch painfully at his own arm. He didn’t think he was more important than everyone else. He really didn’t. He was only trying to help. He only wanted to be useful. He never does anything right. Never. Why does he even bother? An image of Nya giving him a patient smile came in his head. That’s right.  Nya. He has to keep going. He had to save her. He watched as his legs began to move forward, following the others’ footsteps. He had to do it right next time. He has to do better… Be better.

_______________________________

They basically did it. They got all but one of the golden weapons. The sword of fire. It was just a short distance away from their camp. While they saw many Skulkin to get them, there was no sign of his sister. He didn’t feel up to dancing but Jay all but insisted. He didn’t want them to dislike him even more than they already did so he went with it, smiling and laughing as if his sister wasn’t kidnapped, being held hostage who knows where with who knows what happening to her. He laid awake afterwards while everyone slept. How could he? He doesn’t deserve to sleep when his sister-

“Kai.” He tensed.

That sounded like…

“Kai.” He sat upright, looking around before he spotted Nya standing there.

“Nya?” He whispered, surprised.

“I have to go.” She says before taking off.

“Nya! Wait!” He yelled as he stood up, reaching out to her.

He was about to chase after her when Wu snored. He looked back at him, at the others. Should he wake them? But they would be angry if he did. Nya was just right there. He could easily just go get her.

“Kai…” He looked up to where Nya was looking at him before running off again.

He… He would do it right.

“Wait up!” He called after her.

__________________________________

“Nooo!” Kai yelled, dropping to his knees once Sensei Wu fell over the lava fall’s edge.

No! He was supposed to be doing things right! But everything went wrong! Garmadon, the sword, now Wu! He gripped his own hair tightly, the pinpricks of pain from his scalp doing nothing to calm his rising panic. He breathed heavily, limbs shaking. This was all his fault! His chest was tight and he could feel some of his hair being ripped from his scalp but it wasn’t enough! It- His eye caught the glowing red magma. He released his hair and reached a hand out to it. This should be enough…

“-ai! Kai!” He snapped out of it, his had just inches away from the molten rock, his palm burning with just the heat alone.

He turned around then gasped at the sight of the dragon growling at them the quickly got to his feet, putting himself before Nya. He wouldn’t fail as her big brother again! He won’t! He glared at the dragon with gritted teeth. He would do things right! Even if it killed him!

______________________________

There was no need for death fortunately. Once the dragon understood they were on the same sides, he and the other dragons were more than willing to help. After that, everything was basically smooth sailing. He left Nya behind to go back to the shop so he could fix his mistakes. While Garmadon might have escaped the underworld, they had the golden weapons. They all got… Comfortable after that. His sister was safe, Wu was safe, everyone was safe so Kai had foolishly allowed himself to get comfortable too. He regretted it after the false alarm on Lord Garmadon. There was always more he could do. He knew that the moment he saw the Green Ninja scroll. The one destined to defend Garmadon. He wanted to be that person. Not because it would make him the ultimate, but because being that person would keep Ninjago safe, would keep Nya safe. Most of all… He would be useful. Anyone could wield a gold sword, could be the fire ninja but only one person could be the Green Ninja.

He picked up his routine immediately, training hard and long but he was interrupted by Nya regularly to take breaks or to do something other than training. The first time he said no, she looked devastated and he never wanted to see that look on his baby sister’s face ever again. Little did he know, Nya knew something had changed in her brother and knew it was for the worse. The others were too busy being ninja for her to get a chance to talk to them about it and she was sure that Sensei Wu had something to do with it. Maybe not on purpose but she wasn’t comfortable talking to him about it. So she took matters into her own hand. Even if it meant guilt tripping him. She loved her brother and didn’t want to see him hurt himself like this. She felt guilty. This all happened after she got kidnapped. She looked out to where Kai was training at midnight, sneaking out as soon as the others were asleep. She gripped the door frame tightly. She won’t let that happen again. She won’t be a damsel in distress her brother has to constantly worry over. She walked away, looking at her bracelet. She then pressed the button, revealing a hologram of the Samurai X Mech blueprint. Soon, she could protect him too.

_________________

Don’t get Kai wrong. He was ecstatic that Nya could defend herself now that she was the Samurai… But it made him even more useless. She shouldn’t need to take care of him. He was supposed to do that. He was supposed to keep her safe and happy… Guess he could do neither. All he had left is to become the green ninja. He had to be it. He was the only one left who hadn’t unlocked his powers. He couldn’t not take that knowledge badly. He he didn’t feel cut out to be a ninja. He was always falling behind, always messing things up, always needing someone to pick him up. But this could mean he could be the Green Ninja. He had to be the Green Ninja. He had to have a purpose. There had to be something he could do right with. There had to be.

Lord Garmadon arriving with Sensei Wu seemed like the answer. As if the First Spinjitzu Master himself was giving him a sign. Alas, it wasn’t the sign he was hoping for. He had been so sure that Garmadon was stealing their weapons when they spotted Pythor and Lloyd at the Fire Temple. He thought fighting him was the answer, that he would prove himself useful, prove that he could protect and defend by becoming the Green Ninja… He should have known not to dream.

“Ha! I defeated him!” Kai says in triumph, adrenaline still running through him, even as Cole broke down the door. “I did it! Are my eyes glowing?! Did I unlock my true potential?!” He asked excitedly, looking himself over.

His excitement fell way to frustration when he realized nothing was happening.

“Argh! Why isn’t it working!” He asked, looking down at his hands, frustrated.

“You cannot defeat someone who allowed himself to be defeated.” Wu says as he walked over and Kai stepped out of the way.

“I wasn’t going to hurt you boy, I was only fetching your weapons.” Garmadon says as Wu helped him up, shocking Kai.

“B-but you were trying to steal them!” Kai yelled, not wanting to believe he messed things up- again!

“I asked him to get them.” Wu says, turning around to look at Kai, the disappointment in his gaze suffocating. “Perhaps it is best you do not reach your True Potential, or else someone could get hurt.” He says quietly but the words reached Kai loud and clear, having the same impact as if he had been struck.

It was as if his whole world ground to a halt. The sound of his own ragged breathing filling his ears. Not from the exertion of fighting Garmadon, but by the sudden spike in anxiety, the sudden difficulty to catch his breath. Was this a dream? It didn’t feel real. None of this did.

He just… He… He only… Wanted to be… Useful…

“Way to go hero.” Cole says and he looked to the others who were looking at him with the same disappointed look.

Kai felt as if he was suffocating. He shoved passed them, out of the room, feeling himself beginning to crumble like a house.

“Kai!” Nya called after him but Zane stopped her.

“Perhaps it is wise to allow him to reflect.” He told her but Nya shook her head.

“No! You don’t understand!” She yelled before pushing them out of her way and running off to their shared room.

She threw the doors open but no-one was inside. Her breathing picked up, panic burning her throat. She checked everywhere. All over the Bounty with no signs of him.

“Nya, what is going o-”

“I can’t find him!” She sobs, cutting Wu off. “Kai’s not on the ship! He’s- he’s-” She took a shaky breath past the huge lump in her throat.

“He’s gone!” She yelled and they all gasped.

Wu turned away, dread and regret filling him. Why must he let history repeat itself?

Kai watched the Bounty head towards the Fire Temple still from on the ground. He turned away, digging into both his arms as he walked ahead blankly.

_‘Perhaps it is best you do not reach your True Potential, or else someone could get hurt.’_

_‘Way to go hero.’_

He should have known better to dream. He only wanted to have purpose, to be useful. To do things right. But who was he kidding? He couldn’t do anything right. Everything he touches turns to ash. He never had a true place with them. He was never good enough. Will never be. He was nothing but a plague. He bit the insides of his cheeks as he walked further into the Forest of Tranquility. They never needed him. They won’t need him. He was only a burden, dragging them down. The taste of copper filled his mouth. Nya will be ok. She was the Samurai. She can protect herself. Them too. Something he could never do. Wu will find someone else to give the title 'Master of Fire’ to. He’ll find someone else to wield the sword of Fire. He’ll find someone who actually has use to the team, who can be a team player, who’s smart and level headed. Someone who won’t make every situation worse. Someone they could actually like.

And him?…

Kai looked up at the path ahead, his amber eyes dulled to a flat brown color. He’ll do what he should have the moment Nya was safe.

He’ll get lost.


End file.
